I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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