TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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