Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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