Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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