Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
there is glitter all over my balls
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