is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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