but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀