hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.