I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life