Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.