oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
