So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
