i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
