Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
