Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
