his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
