I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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