also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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