Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
