this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
