He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
