I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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