yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming