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piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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