the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present