I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
not ubering you a puppy