just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.