WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
