one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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