What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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