Can Purell be used as lube?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
