Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
