Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They took my balls.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
