let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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