3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize