I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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