porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
