We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
