you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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