Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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