If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
