remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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