Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
