I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
