the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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