I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
