he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
