she woke up with a sticky ear
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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