dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
