So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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