Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
