I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dicks are not precious.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
