Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
