Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
