woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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