Don't you send me to vm
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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