He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
