It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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