bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
