they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
