:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
