I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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