I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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