did you get engaged???
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
