I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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