Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and she was petting her beer can
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
