i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
