can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
