only if we run a train.
done.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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