You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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