Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
